Get yourselves off the pressure
17 Dec 2018
We are reminded that anger doesn't solve anything. It builds nothing, but it can destroy everything.Thomas S. Monson - American religious leader
Anger is an intense expression of emotion that involves a strong uncomfortable and hostile response to a perceived provocation, hurt or threat. In other words, anger is a feeling that is aroused when someone is offended. Usually when they are convinced that someone else is responsible. Sometimes anger may be a response to a threat intended to be a defensive or protective mechanism.
Is it normal to be angry? Can someone live without anger? I’m not sure if one can completely get rid of anger. Anger has bad physical and mental consequences. I believe that one can effectively cope up if they can understand how it works and how to deal with it rightly.
For example, assume that your car is damaged. You feel angry if someone else did it. You feel sad if it was due to a natural force like a storm. If the damage was by you, you end up feeling guilty. Note that there are three feelings for a single instance.
Some believe that anger is a feeling that can be suppressed.
William DeFoore, an anger management writer, described anger as a pressure cooker: we can only apply pressure against our anger for a certain amount of time until it explodes. The more someone suppresses their feeling of anger, the more likely it is to blast to find another outlet. The next time you see someone acting violently against someone who had nothing to do with that matter, understand that it is a result of a suppressed anger.
If suppression is not a great coping strategy, then what is? Being aware when there is a trigger, and releasing the pressure off yourself in a way that would benefit you and everyone else involved is the right way to deal with anger.
Words have the power, to build or to destroy. Most often words are underestimated in our daily conversation, be it personal or official. Communication is relational. But most of them now have become transactional. No wonder why there is a lot of misunderstanding in current conversations through emails or messengers.
When you are angry, you are hurt. However, it’s much easier to say you are angry that to say you are hurt. The simple reason is that when you say you are angry, you feel powerful. When you say you are hurt, you feel vulnerable.
When in an argument the natural tendency for you is to defend yourselves and make it clear that you are right. A simple question such as “Can I share my view?” can make a lot of difference during an argument. One agrees to listen if they say yes. Since you showed them an example of listening, they are more likely to return the favour.
Lastly, don’t communicate just because you feel like it. The best time to communicate is when you are most likely to be received well. If you are dealing with a complicated situation at work, just wait for the right moment to communicate. Even if you are right. It may not make sense or help to deal with your anger or the other party’s if you just decided to email at the wrong time. Prefer dealing with people in person. If that’s not possible, the best would be to talk on the phone. Every other form of communication should be the last resort.
Intentions and consequences
Another thing to pay attention to is the intention vs outcome during a conflict. One is most likely to hold that their intentions were right in spite of the consequences. This is because the outcomes could have been wrong but the intentions were right. The other person who was hurt on the other hand is concerned about the outcomes and not the intentions. This is because they can only see the outcomes and not the feeling of your intentions. When the feeling of anger takes a protective approach to make a claim of the intentions, it would rather be wise to let go off the pressure by first acknowledging the wrong outcomes.
Your intentions don’t matter much. However, once you have expressed understanding of the consequences, the need to justify your intentions ceases.
Let’s get ourselves off the pressure. Peace be upon us!